Stab a knife in my heart OR have me fill out an assessment on my child?

I'll take the knife through my heart.
My Broken Heart.

Today I opened my daughters backpack to find an art project that was messy and beautiful like a Jackson Pollock. A lunch bag that was almost as full as when I sent it this morning with various options, from sweet peas to delicious orange segments to deli honey ham, hoping something would tickle her fancy. And an Hawaii Early Learning Profile (HELP) Assessment form.

I dread these.

My heart races. Guilt, pure emptiness and pain fills my body that is indescribable. Tears both visible and internal rush painfully to the surface where I have to bring my self to fill this piece of paper out. Rationally, I know that a secretary will input the results into a computer and never glance at it again.

And here I seat, starring at the questions and trying to distract myself with the now of bathing and putting my child to bed knowing full well that bath time is traumatic. Brushing Hair is a screaming and crying session. Putting bed clothes on requires crying usually from Maggie, sometimes from Me.

And the Irony - The questions on this survey pertain to
Independency in Bathing and Self Preservation abilities

A Big Fat NO to every question ....

Maybe next year right?!?

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