A Low Point

Bored, lonely and all by myself with Maggie tonight and as I channel surfed I came across an episode of 'Sex and the City'. The Brunette woman was hosting a baby shower for her Red headed friend, when the mother to-be opens up a Tiffany box to expose a silver rattle which sends the brunette to a place she once was and ultimately resulting in tears and of what was and what will never be.

I found my self emotionally connected to her crying with her.

I realized she was devastated for losing her husband because of their differences in desire for children and their inability to have children. Which lead me to be devastated for losing my husband because of our differences and thinking about where he is and where I am not.

He has a girlfriend.

Is getting his education.

Has no daily responsibilities.

I felt stupid and sorry for myself for being so weak as to cry at a dumb TV show.

But I ate a bowl of Ice Cream, played some bejeweled on Facebook to take my mind off of everything, put my daughter to bed, wrote this blog and will go and try to distract myself with a movie or something - I have shed enough tears today.

I think their are only so many tears allowed per day.

I have reached my limit.

To Sleep Perchance to Dream...

Neurologist

After visiting with the Pediatrician for Maggie's 5yr check-up she referred us to a Neurologist.

Maggie was seen by the (Brain) Noran Clinic when she was 2 for what seemed like mild seizures. She went through a battery of tests 2 hour EEG's and eventually a 48 hour EEG's it was a series of appointments and nurses and blood work and machines and driving downtown, and validating parking, & bad hospital food - However it was worth all of it to eventually lead us to her diagnosis. But that small part of me thinks

I've already done this! Maggie has had been through so much can't she be done?

I'm worried and stressed - unmotivated in other areas of life - that this is the beginning. Again.

A few weeks ago Maggie sustained burns on her legs while pushing herself against our electric fireplace...

NO REACTION

No crying, no pulling away from the source of pain, if any pain I suppose

I've seen minor injuries that she has had no reaction too and I assumed she had a high pain tolerance.

I just hope this is a minor incident - that it's not the start of another search for another diagnosis.

but yet again I am changing my schedule to fit in another doctors appointment - trying to stay positive.

Changes

I spend several hours a week in waiting rooms, viewing room - enclosed rooms with a glass window- talking with parents. We talk about our children.

Not in the way other moms probably talk about their children...

I hear regular mom's talk about what their child accomplished today. How great they are doing in school. How many sports their playing.

Play dates.

A funny thing they said last night.

Their friends.

The list goes on...

But for Me - A Parent of a Special Needs Child - Conversations with other mothers in the similar boat usually consist of comparing meltdowns and calming down techniques.

Restaurants that have Gluten free/Dairy free options

Doctors we like and don't like

Specialists we've seen, or ask about medical challenges we may face in the future from parents with older kids who are infinitely wiser or better for the ware.

How lonely we are.

How difficult it is to deal with normal functioning children, who are of course perfect and we are reminded of that by their even more perfect parents...

I have decided to change my blog from simply recapping just my little family small events to a much more personal outlook on what it is really like being a parent of a special needs child.

I will try to be honest and open - which may not be pretty or easy to read. But I feel it is important, necessary even - too often I hear a sense of pity even sadness when people talk to me.

I hear all the time it is our responsibility as parents to bring 'Awareness' - I'm not entirely sure how to do that. Or exactly all that implies. But I do know that if individuals, who might read a blog, become more comfortable with children with special needs then it's worth a try.

Puppy Sleepover

A few nights ago we hosted a sleepover for Andy, his little friend Danny. He is a really sweet quiet kid with all sorts of special needs and one way to help calm him and allow him to sleep better at home and especially away from home is his dog, Josie. It also just so happens that Rocky and Josie and best buds! They love having play dates!!!

Josie is super sweet with Maggie and loved the fact that at our house dogs are allowed on the couch! Maggie was just excited that she got to play with 2 tails and have 2 dogs kissing and playing with her.

After we tired out the puppies, It was Sundae time :) So delicious

I love when I host a happy boys sleepover and a happy dog sleepover!

Carlisle

I can't believe I forgot to post about our new addition to the family... (goes to show my attention span is equal to a kumquat)

The Handsome, quirky and adorable Carlisle

A few weeks ago we went to the pound to rescue a cat and came home with him. We wanted a cat that was still young enough to mice but not a kitten. Good with Maggie. Tolerant of a dog. And all these things he is - however our other cat is not a fan. She sits at the base of our stairs and makes sure he doesn't come down....

So he has decided to make Andy's room his own. The benefits for Mr. Carlisle is that their is a soft, warm bed. A cute kid to pet him. A fish tanks which both soothes and temps his inner kitty.

I love how he curls up and just forces himself on you..."Pet me, Pet me Now"

Isn't he Handsome?!?

And yes if you were wondering he was named after Carlisle Cullen, from Twilight

Bathroom

Due to my lack of motivation in other activities... To kill time, be productive, feel like I actually accomplished something I decided to tackle a huge endeavor.

My Bathroom

(cue horror music)

It looked like a tornado came in and destroyed it. I had 10 bottles of shampoo with just a few drops in them but didn't want to waste so I didn't throw away.

Hello Call Up Auditions for Hoarders!

Trash, a whole department store worth of bottles and jars. Baskets and containers full of STUFF. And don't get me started on my hair products... I have a little bit of everything from Putty to Hairspray. Straighteners and Curling Irons. Rollers and Oh yeah Hair accessories. Lotions and Medicine. Soap and Pedicure stuff. Smelly sprays and breakable bottles...

After a lot of throwing away, combining of things & most importantly organizing my drawer... the final product looked liked this!

1 container for makeup. 1 for small jewelry another for hairpins/hair ties. It's so easy to find everything and makes me happy :) everything Hair is in the other drawer neat and accessible. Everything bath has it's own area! I even found a small iPod speaker I thought I lost so I will always have music while I get ready.

:)